


you are not the nightmare

by lieu42



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Extended Scene, Gangsey, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, No editing we die like mne, cabeswater friends bonding, microscopic bluesey, microscopic pynch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 06:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20652899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lieu42/pseuds/lieu42
Summary: The thing appeared. It looked like Gansey.the bit in trk when it turns out the three ladies with blue's face are from adam's nightmares got me thinking: what other nightmares are in cabeswater? this also covers when gansey absolutely destroyed adam in trb and probably regretted it for years. a mess im sorry





	you are not the nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> parts of the beginning and end are directly from trk and not mine! sorry. also I am very not used to writing in third person so this is a complete mess

Gansey pressed certainty into his voice and said, ‘Cabeswater, make it safe.’

The three women with Blue’s face rained away.

They splattered on Blue’s clothing and on his shoulders, and then the water dissolved into the ground. Blue let out a little sigh that had a tone to it, her shoulders slumping.

‘I’m sorry,’ Adam said, staring beyond Gansey and into the bushes. ‘Stupid of me. I wasn’t being careful.’

Gansey glanced over at him. He couldn’t tell if he was upset.

'Well, I guess we should move along,' said Blue, briskly. She began to stride into the trees, one hand on the pocket where her switchblade was now stowed. Gansey glanced back at Adam and Ronan, Aurora and the Orphan Girl. Ronan glared back.

Gansey sighed and hurried after Blue, ducking at the branches clawing at his hair.

A branch snapped under his foot. He heard Blue call out.

He tensed, ready to race after her, but then she was already crashing back towards him and the group, hair wild and eyes wide.

'What is it?' Ronan demanded, suddenly alert.

'It's…' Blue glanced over her shoulder, gasping for breath. 'It looks like…'

A rustling sounded in the bushes. There was the distinct echo of footsteps. Blue flicked out her knife, and Gansey drew in a breath. 

The thing appeared. It looked like Gansey.

But then it was not Gansey. It was a crude caricature, seven feet tall and dressed in black tie. Its face was furrowed in a snarl, glasses gone. Its hair was still impeccable, though. It was all the things Gansey hated about himself, amplified.

By his side, Gansey felt Adam tense. He turned to him. 'Is this another one of your nightmares?'

Adam chewed at his lip, twisting his hands. Ronan took a step towards him. And the Gansey-thing took a step towards Gansey.

'I -' Adam began. But his voice caught in his throat, and he didn't have time to finish his thought before the Gansey-thing spoke.

It sounded exactly like Gansey. That was the second most horrible thing about it. It could really have just been Gansey, if Gansey hadn't been stood there open-mouthed and stricken. There was no distortion, nothing horrible about its voice.

The most horrible thing was its words.

'This is how I speak, Adam!' it shouted, face contorted with rage. 'I'm sorry your father never taught you the meaning of  _ repugnant _ . He must've been too busy slamming your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologised for existing!'

It towered over Adam, a pure being of rage. Adam bowed his head, arms wrapped tightly round himself. Ronan stared at Gansey, his face somewhere between shock and anger, the Orphan Girl clinging to his leg.

Only Blue moved. 'It's not real, Adam!' she said insistently, waving a hand in front of Adam's face. 'Gansey would never say something like that. It's just a nightmare.'

Adam's gaze remained firmly fixated on the floor.

'Gansey wouldn't say shit like that,' said Ronan. It sounded more like an accusation than a reassurance. But there was a hint of something else there, a faint  _ Would he?  _ hiding beneath his words.

The Gansey-thing remained, still standing over Adam.

'Tell it to piss off, Gansey,' said Ronan.

Adam stayed still, arms still wrapped around himself, knuckles red from too much work. There was pen smudged along his wrists, and for a second Gansey thought he could see the ghost of a bruise across his cheek.

He blinked, and it was gone. A trick of the light. A memory, smudged across real life.

'Adam -' Gansey started. His voice cracked in an uncomfortable way, one that made his vision suddenly blur and his chest cramp uncomfortably. He swiped at his eyes with his sleeve, trying not to make the movement obvious.

'You didn't,' said Ronan, in a voice that spat acid.

Then, a moment later, 'I can't believe you.'

'Ronan,' said Aurora, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off, still glaring daggers at Gansey.

The Orphan Girl wandered to Adam's side, reaching up to whisper something to him.

' _ Please  _ make that thing go away,' said Blue, gesturing towards the Gansey-thing.

Gansey barely heard her. Adam lifted his head for a second, tears staining his cheeks.

‘I’m sorry, Adam,’ whispered Gansey, even though every word made it more obvious he was crying. And he felt Ronan’s gaze boring into his skull, and Blue, by his side, looking at him with something he’d never seen in her face before. Something that made him want to shrink away, to fall into the ground and never come back. But these were still words that needed to be said, and Gansey would be damned if he didn’t say them.

‘It’s fine,’ said Adam, voice still calm and soft. ‘I don’t hold it against you. I was being unreasonable.’

‘You mean you actually said that to him?’ Blue cut in. ‘God, Gansey, do you  _ know  _ how -’

‘I do know.’ Gansey closed his mouth tightly, trying to keep his voice steady and not mess this up. ‘I never should’ve said that, and you can hold it against me for as long as you like because that was awful of me. And I never really had the chance to tell you…’ He checked himself, and tried again. ‘And I was… I was scared of telling you because I hoped you’d forgotten and I didn’t want to bring it back up. But mostly I was just scared to apologise. And I’m sorry, Adam. I’m really sorry.’

He swiped at his face again and stared at the ground. Adam sniffed, and Gansey saw his shoulders shake, but his voice was still steady.

‘I told you it doesn’t matter. You were mad because you cared, and I was hurt and angry and I didn’t want you to see me like that. And yes, that did upset me, but… but it’s okay. I understand.’

‘It’s a nightmare, though,’ Gansey said quietly, looking up into the foliage above them. ‘That is still giving you nightmares.’

Adam said nothing. The Gansey-thing crumbled so abruptly Blue jumped, and the Orphan Girl went skittering backwards.

‘You are not the nightmare,’ said Adam. ‘The nightmare is that whole day, and you just happened to be part of it. I was only thinking it because of the other nightmare, and Cabeswater must’ve just amplified it because you’re here.’

Gansey’s shoulders sank with relief. It crossed his mind that Adam might be lying to spare his feelings, but then Adam had spoken with such exhausted plainness that it seemed impossible for him to lie.

‘Really?’ he said anyway, desperate for it to be confirmed.

‘Yes. God, Gansey. Stop talking like everyone hates you.’ Adam bit his lip and rubbed the tears off his cheeks, taking a step back.

‘You’d be within reason to hate me,’ said Gansey miserably.

‘Gansey. Stop it. I don’t hate you, and I never have and I’m not going to. Don’t we have Welsh kings to be finding, anyway?’ Adam cracked half a tired smile, and that was what made it okay. Gansey hadn’t been certain at all until then, but the smile and the half-hearted Glendower jab was what made it okay.

He realised this had been on his mind for quite a while, and was suddenly so overcome with emotion that he started crying again.

‘Jesus,’ he muttered, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face with the heel of his hand.

‘Get it together, Gansey,’ said Ronan, but not unkindly.

Adam took in a deep, shuddering breath and mirrored Gansey’s actions. ‘We should probably go,’ he said, glancing at the puddle where the Gansey-thing had been, and then back at Aurora and Orphan Girl and Ronan.

‘I think that’s wise,’ Aurora advised. She seemed remarkably calm, considering the black tree and the horrors and the two boys crying in front of her. But to a dream, Gansey supposed a nightmare was simply an unpleasant acquaintance, rather than anything uncanny.

‘Stay away from the trees. And the darkness,’ said Ronan, looking at some point just above Gansey’s head. 

Aurora shook her head. ‘It finds me.’

Ronan blinked at her, then turned on his heel, pulling Orphan Girl behind him. ‘We’d best be leaving, then,’ he said. Blue followed in quick step behind him, then Aurora, then it was just Gansey and Adam left in the clearing.

Adam stared at his shoes. ‘Sorry about that,’ he said. ‘I realise you probably didn’t want the others to know.’

‘It’s not your fault,’ said Gansey, surprised to hear the truth behind the words as he spoke them.

Adam didn’t reply, just stood there. Gansey felt the space between them but didn’t know how to fill it.

He took a tentative step towards Adam and opened his arms, and then when Adam sank into his chest he was surprised. It was a strange thing, this embrace, Adam much taller than him but seeming tiny here, like a child. Gansey rested his head on Adam’s shoulder, matching Adam’s tight grip on his back.

They stayed like that for a few moments, the two of them in the forest alone. Gansey’s sweater was still damp from the three women, and now from Adam’s tears. He took a step back, wiping the last of his own tears away. He didn’t feel like crying anymore.

‘Let’s go,’ he said, managing a decent attempt at a smile. ‘Ronan’s going to be pissed if we make him wait.’

Adam smiled. It was a careful, fragile thing, but then Gansey smiled back and suddenly everything was much better between them than it had been ten minutes ago.


End file.
